All posts by Albion Faeries

Glamour and Beguilement: Faerie Magicks

I’ve recently been very interested by points raised and issues brought up in articles posted by Shokti and Cunty (thank you both for your contributions). While I don’t want to reply directly to either, they have brought up and shone a new light on some thoughts of mine that I’d like to share.

Something that seems to be very much in the forefront of faerie consciousness is consent, and how it is affected and potentially invalidated in situations where there is a power inbalance – whether that be because of a difference in age, in sexual or romantic experience, in relative health/wellbeing, in social capital/etc. In a rather emotionally challenging circle I attended fairly recently, a discussion on how intimately/emotionally involved it was acceptable to be with those who have approached you for support descended into a faerie being aggressively accused of effectively using their position in the community to sexually take advantage. I really don’t want to make comment or take a side based on a very limited perspective on an obviously very deep and complex interpersonal conflict, but it certainly highlighted to me that this is an issue that it would be healthy for the community to start examining together, in a unified, careful and heart centred way. I was therefore very gladdened to see Cunty open up – in what I read as a very careful, vulnerable and relatively non-violent way – about the specific objectification and allure of (particularly male perceived) youth as he sees it within faerie gatherings. Personally, what he said definitely made connections with many of my observations and understandings of contemporary faerie culture. From my memories of the spotlighting and collective adoration of a select number of glamorous 20-something gay boys at the couple gatherings I’ve been to, to younger fae talking about navigating the myriad attentions and overtures of relatively older fae, to the multitude of over 40s gay men’s sharings in heart circles about feeling passed over, ignored and left out during the more festive and sexually charged modes of gatherings, my personal impression is that many faeries from all sides of the power dynamic would agree with Cunty about its existence. When I first encountered this dynamic at Featherstone, my first reaction I’m not proud to admit was envy, for the attention and adoration I perceived the young guys in their drag and glad rags as being granted. The root of this, given some time to reflect, was obvious: I have always struggled with needing validation and attention to feel accepted or appreciated socially, in earlier more male presenting times I would have flaunted and flirted my youth and form to gain the social attention and validation of other gays, and I was sore to find in this community my gender nonconformity meant I wasn’t able to misuse that dynamic as I was used to doing in queer spaces. While I have in the past definitely found select desire fulfilment by taking advantage of this sensual objectification dynamic, in hindsight it was disingenuous and caused much unhappiness: mainly because I had no intention or desire to engage sexually with the majority of the people I inticed, and interactions ended with neither party ultimately getting what they sought after.

I was interested to see the strongly differing perspectives between Cunty and Shokti on how objectification (or celebration of form etc.) fitted into Harry Hay’s binary of Subject-Subject vs. Subject-Object interactions. Obviously for Cunty, his experiences of how younger male-perceived faeries were sought after and his role in it was distressing and felt demeaning to the objectified faeries, whereas others (seemingly including Shokti) experience it as something much less inherently malign, and as compatible with empowering, loving faerie interaction. I can only stress that all I am doing and can do is lay out my own limited personal perspective, in the hope it might strike a positive chord with others, but I would like to suggest that its more complicated than that, and wrapped up in the use and misuse of a peculiarly faerie talentset, which I would like to call Glamour.

***Content Warning: contains liberal Woo, including Woo terminology and ideology***

So, lets talk about Glamour! In faerie space, I think it would be misguided to imagine that every interaction is an honest, profound and direct expression of self from one heart to others. On the contrary, we have extraordinary freedom to play with situations, to channel external energies and power, to adopt guises and personae, to perform as conduits of magick and ritual, to act out salacious and outrageous roles and desires. When we do so, consciously or not, our manifestation of Other (whatever external to ourselves we are creating the idea of) represents a channelling of our energy in order to bring about a physical change in how we are experienced by those who we interact with . This I’m going to denote with the old scots word for witchery and magick, Glamour – simply put, I’m using glamour as a blanket term for energy that is used to alter how you are perceived, whether that’s in faerie space or the concrete world.

How is this relevant to our discussions of power dynamics, of objectification and desire, you may ask? Because glamour is the tool and magic we use (wittingly or not) to work towards obtaining the reaction we desire from others: whether that is simply to enrapture, enrage, outrage, entertain, arouse, relax; or to achieve a more complex goal altogether. It is undoubtedly powerful, and does have the power to (temporarily or permanently) alter people’s perceptions of what is real and what is not, of their boundaries, of their internal senses of what is safe and unsafe, right and wrong. I see this as present in our drag and performance, in our engagement of those we are enamoured of or desire, in how we present our workshops and ideas, even in our stories, narratives and words of wisdom. Glamour undoubtedly has the power, sadly, of causing situations which can potentially lead to energetic and psychological damage to those who are more susceptible to losing themselves to it, when it is used without care and attention. Whether that is someone who has the protective seal on their inner trauma untimely broken, someone who finds themselves drawn into a cycle of indulgence that leads to a substance abuse relapse, or someone looking for paternal guidance and companionship who finds themselves in the midst of something more carnal, the reality is that faerie space – despite its beautiful, enriching empowering potential – can at times generate risks and the possibility of danger also. I don’t necessarily think this is something we should be ashamed of or feel guilt for communally, we aren’t ultimately responsible for or can control others feelings and reactions to faerie space. However, that isn’t to say that working towards making space more loving and nourishing for all isn’t an admirable undertaking for all of us who feel called to do so.

So how can we work to being responsible and loving wielders of this power, especially given the liminal nature of Glamour, and why should we? I think to the latter question, there may not be a simple right answer but my two cents is that at the foundation of faerie space is a core bedrock of being a community of love, and that by each individually doing work towards maintenance of that equanimous love we share as a community, we hold the community together and ensure its stable continuity. I think that especially those who exist towards the centre of the web of faerie energies particularly – whether that’s just for one gathering by being an organiser, social focus point or energetic catalyst say, or those who more generally are tied in to the core of continued community – tend to pool the energy to project glamour, potentially more so than they give themselves credit for. I’ve felt this myself at gatherings, when some people enter a room the energy completely changes in anticipation of them, when some people talk their words hold the listeners in rapture, and their expressed ideas naturally become the listeners reality. From what I have seen, often this is used by these faeries in a really generous and conscientious way already – easing the anxieties of unsettled newcomers, bolstering the guidance of gatherings energies towards mucking in and interacting respectfully, offering support to the disenfranchised, and helping make heard the quieter more fragile voices. To my mind though, they are unavoidably in the position of holding sway over hearts and minds, and I think recognising that power dynamic and creating a conscious and supportive collective awareness might help us harmoniously flow together around these issues.

How to wield Glamour in a safer way is something I can only offer my limited set of ideas towards, but I hope these might serve as a starter to thinking about approaching Glamour more mindfully and conscientiously. I think its important to examine our motives in how we interact with others, and try and match the Glamour we wear or project with our heart’s intentions – if our desires are sexual then wearing that on our sleeve and weaving seduction into our advances  does honour to both the magick and the recipient. Further to that, checking-in in some manner and working responsively with the reactions our glamour elicits gives us the opportunity to ensure our energies have provoked what was intended and not something else unwanted, and gives us the opportunity to regather where our audience may have gone astray. As an example, I have heard of multiple instances where gender-bending manifestations have been mis-taken as looking to elicit sexual desire, which could lead to plenty discomfort for some of these manifesting fae if left unchecked. Moving towards a subject-empowering approach in our interactions can often help avoid situations where we impinge on others self-determination. This can involve ensuring we have their informed consent throughout interactions, we are being transparent about what we are doing, and self monitoring for mistakenly projecting your needs or traumas onto them, or false convictions of knowing what would be good for someone better then they themselves do. Upholding live consent doesn’t need to be something clunky and jarring that disturbs our energy flow in interaction, for one who is used to looking for it it can be achieved intuitively and as a beautiful enhancing element of their language of intimacy. Finally, being open-minded to our own limitations – as lovers, as healers, as magicians – and knowing when something has escalated beyond our control or comfort and it is safest to tap out is an important skill we should all bear in mind, and be open to the idea of. At the end of the day, it is the chaos in the nature of humans to make mistakes, to not always achieve what they set out to do, to be reliably unreliable – this isn’t something shameful or negative! It is how we respond to signs of failure, to accept it with grace and humility, and to learn from it which to me marks out the most enlightened amongst us.

********

I hope I have managed to set out my ideas on these power interplays that come into faerie space in a way that is constructive and has avoiding bringing up pain as much as possible. In faerie community one thing I particularly value is that with all the so many different faeries whom I have touched hearts with, I have not met anyone who does not in their own way have a loving relationship with the tribe as a whole, and isn’t seeking to have a more healthy and nourishing interrelationship with this community. I truly believe that we do all dynamically make our own uniquely positive contribution to the spaces we hold together, I hope that in understanding and respecting the complexities of our many differences we can all be enriched and grow together, to make ever more tolerant, loving and caring faerie space in the future.

Vessel

 

The Commodity of Youth in an Age of Austerity

I am complicit in a pattern of behaviours that is toxic to individual faeries and our community as a whole.

I am complicit because I have at times fallen deeply into the trap of comparing myself to others, objectifying certain members of my tribe and not speaking up when I witness the behaviours in those around me.

Within this piece I do not seek to shame or to judge, although many times I find these behaviours embarrassing or infuriating. Partly my reaction is on behalf of others, partly it presents a reflection of my own past conduct.

This is offered as a call for change. I know change is often difficult, costly or painful. Some will react with anger as they read my words, a few may nod in recognition, perhaps one or two may even find themselves reviewing their own gathering etiquette.

Whilst visiting the most recent gathering at Paddington Farm in Glastonbury, I found myself in a room surrounded by faeries, although I was present as a Sister of Perpetual Indulgence at the time. I often find the role of the outsider gives a perspective that is revelatory.

I saw and heard behaviour patterns I have seen time and time again in faerie space. The same issues were present 2 years ago when we had so much trauma and division. I had hoped we might learn and change but we didn’t seem to address one of the underlying problems.

Middle-aged cis white gay men, like me and including me, commoditise youth. Some of us (“not all” I hear the cry and respond “no but far too many”) base our own sense of worth and our social standing within the community by how young, pretty and new the faerie is that we are seen to be frolicking with.

Outrage! Of course. It is outrageous. It’s ridiculous that an intentional community who speaks so much of coming home, of tribe, of not being like the other, Grindr-loving queers, should recycle and promulgate such toxicity among ourselves.

Whatever happened to the idea of subject-subject consciousness? The notion that we sought to exist in kinship and harmony with each other? That we respected each other’s uniqueness and gifts as a queer person, not just their value as an object to elevate our status amongst others who similarly objectify them? Harry Hay spoke of the natural inclination of queer men to be not killers and fighters who “seemed to want to celebrate their Brothers rather than to compete with them”. When we read those words do we even recognise ourselves any more?

Sometimes I look across the room and I can almost hear the transaction in my head as an older faerie gently places his hand on the lower thigh of one 30 years his junior and in his inflections the dialogue flows “you’re obviously deeply spiritual”, a little too practiced.

Or the hidden revelations given by another when nobody is around to hear that their spirit guides told them they would have a lover matching the same description as a newly minted faerie almost 4 decades younger.

The use of woo as a tool for seduction of other members of our tribe distresses me. Its twisting to enable seduction and subjugation is abhorrent. The delight in sharing ideas and rituals, of empowering and raising each other instead becomes an area of mistrust and confusion.

Wisdom of astrology becomes a set of mystical edicts from those with hidden arcane knowledge, set up to entrap the unwary.

At times I find myself questioning if I judge too harshly, regardless of the faeries who share their experiences with me, or the evidence of my own senses.

I remember my own mistakes and missteps, the damage I have caused and will no doubt cause unwittingly in future.

I remind myself that what is acted out in this sacred space is a result of trauma. We don’t talk about how it feels to grow older. To survive those who never will. To become invisible in our bars and clubs. To feel increasingly isolated, afraid and somehow lacking.

This isn’t everyone’s experience of course. Some delight in the role of the silver daddy, of discovering new ways of expressing themselves.

Some find comfort in their accomplishments and in their wisdom.

But some are desperately scared of no longer being desireable. We use gatherings as dating pools rather than opportunities for our own growth and development, let alone connecting to other men in platonic loving ways.

I watch complex, fascinating, talented men ignore opportunities to connect and nurture their community as a whole because they are obsessed with pursuing significantly younger men. The skills and insights they have are cast aside in their ravenous pursuit of their physical ideal.

As I say, I am complicit. I am one of these men. Although I have never had sex with a younger faerie at a gathering (except one instance where I was already in a relationship with them) I have found myself competing and I hate it. The process demeans everyone involved. It reverts to subject-object unconsciousness. How could it not do damage?

And I too have applauded and cheered as the most pert and youthful have been paraded at an auction to the howls of older men. That plays into the same culture too.

So what can we do?

Maybe we be more open about how it feels to be present in inter-generational queer space. Maybe we have some personal boundaries in place or share an intent to focus on our own gifts and journey and hold ourselves accountable. Perhaps even invite others to hold us accountable too. Wouldn’t that be a big hit of vulnerability and trust right there?

The crux of subject-subject consciousness should be mutual support and equality of power. We are perfectly capable of this but it doesn’t always serve the ego. So maybe we could prioritise consciously spending as much time with older faeries and getting to know them. Cause let’s face it, we’re all older faeries to someone.

Reach out to each other rather than offering reach-arounds. And there are issue of consent and coersion, as well as personal responsibility regarding sexual health that should to be addressed too. But I fear there are few who do have read to this end now. Many who have dismissed it.

Maybe we could engage back into our core tools. Heart circles help us to practice listening to everyone regardless of youth or appearance. Maybe we could share our fears and be there as silent witnesses for each other.

I would argue that we have a responsibility to ourselves and each other, to nurture and protect our tribe. Even from ourselves.

Cunty.

A Faerie rises from the ashes of shame

Eleven years ago

I thought I was a disgusting filthy ho

I’d met much older man named Gunny, one cum in my mouth and the other gave me money.

It was meant to be for petrol, I bought cigarettes and set in motion events i will never forget.

I went home to self created sanctuary or prison, the one place in my life I felt I had known to be myself, years before, a mess now like my head

I returned home, woken up two hours later to find, the sanctuary was gone, burned down to the ground. My home was gone, although I still had somewhere to slept

I thought it was because I had mixed money and sex. I thought it was some sort of cruel punishment or hex

Had I used it for what I said, then my sanctuary and my cat wouldn’t be dead. Some small comfort when she raised her head some hours later…

I dared not tell a soul the truth of what I believed had happened… although I did in my secret double life of meeting men in the night…

Did he keep it to himself? Fuck no

“It’s weird that this man knows your sanctuary is dead” said this person masquerading as my friend, I just ignored them as fear and shame consumed my head

“This man says you sucked his cock”

I was powerless when they said “I have something to ask you”

summoned to confess all my sins, but, I lied as best as I could, whilst trying not to tremble with shock or die on the spot, I felt I had no choice but to deny it, but I couldn’t really hide it

I wanted to take my own life that night more than I ever have, but my dad tried it once and this was on the eve of my mothers birthday, I couldn’t do that to her ten years later…

I was so overwhelmed with shame.. wretched and wrong

Couldn’t admit to it

Having sex with a man

A man older than my own father

I hated myself

Hated my body

Hated what being overweight had done to it

This old man wanted me

He was local

I felt this powerful, consuming urge to go to him

I thought I was disgusting, in some way I thought he was disgusting too and was getting off on it

I also thought he wouldn’t mind a bit of loose skin

I thought I could trust him for some reason, maybe I was just desperate to tell someone how I felt. by the change of season I wanted to hang him for treason

Another reason I wanted to die

Was because I thought I automatically got hiv, from any unprotected anal sex, and the condom broke, and there was blood on me

Later that year

I met another queer, at work

Although I didn’t use that word then it just rhymes now… the only other queer in my real day time work life not my seedy secret night-time shameful lost everything but can’t stop doing it sex life…

He was “out and proud” told his coming out story, things about being gay, struggles in his life, unknowingly shared things that helped… just being himself inspired me, I only just finally told him

I left that job after only a month. Cold dark lonely winter ahead, I felt empowered meeting him but on my own I was shattered and splintered, I had this glimmer of hope though that maybe after all it was ok to be gay…

But it meant by attacking ego was also having a ball

After a messed up nocturnal winter, a new sanctuary with no real energy because it was visited by only me, I finally met a nice guy my age on-line, we actually spent time, taking about things, enjoying each others company, questioning our sexuality

I got a call from my old job, did I want a job? They didn’t realise I ever worked there before, I went back, or started again…

I could manage my fear and anxiety being around men as long as I had a sex binge every few weeks and got it all out of my system, I was happy to be reunited with my queer friend though, who I feel gave me permission, just by being himself to start my own becoming myself mission

He talked about therapy and training as a counsellor, I was always interested in this too, and I found a therapist

the therapy was good

Sex got better

The secrets remained

The double life got easier

Then I met my “saviour”

A rare Someone who wanted me to come back after the first meeting…

This wasn’t unheard of.. but staying over was, so was mixing drugs and sex…

My mind was on high alert, waiting to get found out and hurt…

Over time visits kept recurring, and I was realised I was no longer going to bed, with ideas that I would rather kill myself before coming out every day in my head

With the help of this relationship I did came out

The Thing was I didn’t know what I was coming out into.. a new relationship of controlling accusations, belittlements and lies, of joy and love sometimes too, growth outweighed by pain and destruction, some healing of shame, but way too many games, I had been treating myself so badly I didn’t even realise he was doing it most of the time

Unconscious drug taking, a new hell in the making, with some beautiful times thrown in too,

in rapid painful contrast like I’ve never knew

Five years it lasted, always promised it would get better, especially when we got a house! Well that did help our relationship feel valid, help me feel better about being gay, but for a four bedroom house, built in garage and garden, it felt squalid

Somehow even with all the promises it would get better, it got far worse when we got that house

I got co-erced for the millionth time into taking drugs, I basically ignored him though, I read my new book the highly sensitive person and listened to frozen by Madonna and

had a mystical experience, realised most of the reason for my suffering was the way I still talked to myself and critically the amount of time I spent criticising others, not to mention having finally discovered at the age of 26 I am highly sensitive not weak or shy, opened up to a new concept of spirituality, and found teachings online that spoke to me

He wasn’t about to stop being the way I finally realised I had been,

in fact he was much worse and watching him continue slating everyone he knew was intolerable. I realise now when I was in Thailand, even though I never set foot near a Temple, only an outdoor yoga place he tried to stop me doing to, I got a clear message “learn to meditate” I had done a bit, which had also helped my spiritual shift although I realised it had already been there in my immense creativity

My best friend had moved away from me a year before but was able to be with me by the phone after I-lost-count-how-many-times-but-not-the-final-escape, and my mum convincing me to call her after waking up on her sofa after running away on a night out once I got Laid into and told her he was being abusive

I talked it all through with my friend, all the way from Australia

I went back but she didn’t forget,

I say to her now, I’m writing part of my life story. Thank you for being there when I needed you when I left, and not forgetting about it and checking how I was doing, helping me find the courage and clarity to Leave and get my life going

I went back for a few weeks, in total despair one Saturday day whilst he snorted Coke and watched porn. My confidence in my ability to stand on my own two feet so knocked I vowed to leave but only after I saved up some money were my conditions to be free

I was dealing with lies I had believed like

“You can’t leave, you will have nothing without me”

“ You can’t go back to your parents they will ruin you”

“No one else will want you”

Thankfully the relationship with my mum had Improved to the point where I was willing to risk going to my parents anyway…

The final night, there was a physical fight, half assed pushing, with nothing half assed about the rage or desperate lies…

I

told him with

immense power,

grace

and

clarity

;

“Nothing, could be worse than staying here with you, this is as bad as it can get”

I’d managed to pack a bag with most of my clothes, I didn’t stay long enough to get anything else, jumping in my car as he shouted at me in the street

I stopped just down the road, screamed, sobbed, punched the steering wheel, cried like I have never cried in my life,

with relief that I finally listened to the inner voice that had been telling it it wasn’t right

for over four years, relief that I had left and the pain of realising just what I had been through, and screamed and sobbed some more, I didn’t have to lie to myself any more

I felt the full force of five years of denials come to the fore

I felt I had no one to turn to who would understand what had happened, my friends were his friends, others had no idea what had been going on and wouldn’t understand

I cried even more when I finally remembered the existence of my friend he had helped turn me against

I phoned her, she was free, helped me process what happened and affirm I would never go back

I did panic, thinking I had thrown something good away and try 6 months later but he was lying to me within hours and I was gone

I let him keep me away from other people, I left him keep me away from other gays, I only met one I met in five years, apart from his friends we took drugs with sometimes, I realised I had no gay friends of my own when this guy started working with me, and I couldn’t be friends with him either, because I immediately got told all I was interested in was fucking him, and reminded of my ex’s mantra, all gays are scum

He repeated this to me for the final time after I left but was still entangled in a house and mortgage, I said to him, I don’t believe you, I’m going to find out if it’s true,

& if it turns out all gays are scum, then that includes me and you

I never got the result of a test for hiv that I finally took years after the blood incident. I assumed negative when I got no result.

Years of smoking weed, snorting Coke and taking ecstasy and a dose of conspiracy

combined with constant headaches had me paranoid, I thought I was dying sometimes and couldn’t think of getting tested, where would I even say I was going to someone so controlling?!

I got a double dose of new life and freedom when I left him and got tested and it was negative. I found one I wasn’t dying after all and now I was free to live

That didn’t stop the Suicidal thoughts coming with all the fearful programming overwhelming me, I was heartbroken and thought maybe I had ruined my life by leaving him like he said I would

I had no control over my vast and impeccable memory of all the things that ever happened, haunting me daily. I wanted to forget, Gain control, feel sane

Building on the mystical experience I had and my opening to spiritual teachings, I was guided again to learn yoga, but found a five day life changing retreat instead

My painful broken heart was able to feel good again, radiating out love to myself primarily, a radical concept and feeling,

then for my best friend in Australia, radiating out love for strangers and even transmuting hatred and pain for people who had hurt me into love. It was called loving kindness meditation but I know recognise it as divine magic

A memory came back to me to be cleared when I was deep in meditation on the “someone who you dislike section” a friends partner said to me

“The disgusting thing about gays is that they look at there straight mates sexually, I think it is so wrong”

I thought at the time this was where I got this idea from, and forgave him. That helped, realising later on though, all he was doing was mirroring a belief I had about myself, feels like it is completely healed now

I felt guided by angels and still do. The synchronicities at that time revolved a lot around the number 14. I left him on the 14th November. I wanted to do something good in the world and started a three month volunteering period to help fund pure, magically life changing projects in India on the 14th too, helping some of the worse treated people in the world, inspired partly by patron Judi Dench saying

“The degradation of others, is also our degradation”

I wondered at times going out door knocking, what the fuck I was doing, had I just signed up for more abuse?

In some ways I had, but in temporary community, although there was an Element of people pleasing, I was celebrated for my honesty at how hurt I had been, congratulated for my courage and bravery, and able to share my artistic talents in a huge collage about the people we were helping, shrines that got grander and and grander every week, and cooking special meals and baking the odd cake to up morale, and every 14th up until the 14th July, my birthday, felt like a huge milestone

I was recognised for my innocence

Innocence without naivety

A Blessing of others perception of

I would later read in a book called gay spirituality, integrating this made me so happy. I wasn’t scum, there was nothing to hide, hate or despise, it’s not a punishment, it’s a gift

I probably didn’t fully yet believe that yet but

I read about the faeries in this book too

I missed two gatherings for more fund-raising and a month long silent retreat, finding my grounding, finding my feet

It was fucking painful to go almost another year, after my breakup, before finally connecting with my Faerie tribe of amazing queers

I felt the love right away, although scared it could just be projection, my heart opened wide after being found crying by the river, talking to someone about what I been through, never been understood clearer

The magic was real, I truly began to heal , no talent shows, a beautiful initiatory ritual of rebirth in drag for the first time since I hit puberty unable any longer, to ignore the funny looks,

finding all this after trusting what I had read in the book

So many beautiful loving connections, a sacred experience on mushrooms on the dance floor at Featherstone, eating from the earth, dancers all around expressing themselves freely, in a building made of the stones of the land, I felt how pure and innocent and divine we all are

So many beautiful and loving faeries, often injured like I was, maybe still am in many ways, although so healed compared to 11 years ago. So healed compared to 3 weeks ago!

Thanks so much to the tribal connections, love and affection, that is facilitated in our magic Faerie castle, our farm by the heart chakra in Avalon, and actual, real sanctuaries beyond Albion

Now when I have sex there is no shame, I feel it is all healed, and if more comes up, I’ll heal that too

There is another beautiful relationship that has just transitioned into friendship to thank more than anything for this

Sharing ourselves and raw divine ecstatic bliss, relishing in each other, praying, holy, recognising the sacred worship that sex can be, creating a loving exclusive container for exploring this with one another, but Ultimately I found the impossibility of sex with others, a block to connection.

I never thought it could happen

I actually believe the act of sex can be healing, even between men. Between anybody.

I had started thinking that the healing power between men was special.. I think all the different combinations available have their own unique healing frequencies, all as valid as as can be

I definitely didn’t get taught this growing up, all I got taught was that I have sex after getting married to a woman and have babies, and there’s loads of different kinds of sex, but all the other ones are wrong. Something like that. Well it ain’t fucking true, fuck you

Memories of unrequited love came back to me when in the pain of a present connection feeling broken by the arrival of an ex. I realised it was never an unrequited love, it was reciprocated and true. We were both just too afraid to act on our desires, and ended up treating each other Badly, what chance did we stand in a small town with no one to show us the way.

Shifts happened

“He doesn’t like me, nothing will ever happen” “he wouldn’t want to have sex with me”

“they will never find me attractive”

Old thoughts melt away.

I realise that this experience in the past made me feel even more undesirable than I already thought I was, that my thoughts of being undesirable contributed to nothing happening, and when someone came along much older than me, I was too ashamed to admit that I actually enjoyed having sex with them. I had sex with someone almost the same age last week, it helped that he was actually mature and awake and sexy In a really rugged, manly way, but I really don’t give a shit about age now or what anyone thinks, trying to anyway

I felt alone again coming home, but the illusion of separation didn’t last long, existing & new connections are now too strong

Community has become experimental for me, in words of a friend, but it is true for me too

it’s so wonderful to be

Part of this tribe

Changing my patterns of fear and isolation, realising I think

“ I must be alone, I need to be alone”

When I actually need to share with someone how I am feeling

I had glorious new sexual encounters, true intimacy, sex magic exploration, opening up to new ways of relating

I knew multiple partners in just a few weeks or even was nothing to be ashamed of

Sex is healing

Sex is divine

I got to know myself so much more, revealing

Myself so much more

Loving others so much more

Free and open to all kinds of connection, love and affection

I feel the most supported I have ever felt in my entire life, not just by my tribe but by all of life

Even my dad listened to me, shared his feelings, gave me advice, feels like for the first time since I was traumatised at 11 and managed since to forgive him,

feel grateful for him although trying,

but Changing his mind after seeing a picture of me and my sister,

to take his own life

Realised he decided to live for us instead

I’m learning to love and accept myself

My body too

I’ve released so much tension from it the last few years, specially the last few weeks

It looks and feels completely different

Thank you

It’s painful that a phase of one relationship had to end for this to happen, but I’m in the flow

I was judging myself for wanting to “give myself to the Faeries”

Having sexual fantasies and watching a lot of porn

Now I have and I feel reborn

All the Love

🦄Unicorn🦄

One Small Year

One small year. It’s been an eternity, it’s taken all of me to get here. Through this one small year.

I found myself in a music circle last night, feeling compelled to murder the above Shaun Colvin song as acknowledgement of the anniversary of my leaving last year’s Imbolc gathering and the changes in my life since then.

Immediately after last Imbolc I made the painful decision to break up for the final time with my ex-fiance. Faced with a flat that reeked of loss, a job I could hardly tolerate and a city full of memories, I hatched a plan to escape and relocate (with considerable help).

Now a full solar rotation later I am in a different country, a different job, I have less stress and I am a Novice within the Order of Perpetual Indulgence. My life is full of new people and renewed purpose.

I had plans to help facilitate the current Imbolc gathering at Paddington Farm alongside some of the team from last year. As the date grew close and discussions began it felt progressively more frustrated and at odds with the process, so I bowed out and encouraged another to take my place.

Instead I concentrated efforts on my new local community. Alongside my good friend and fellow Sister I helped at the Community Christmas Day Dinner and threw myself into manifesting in Bristol and Glastonbury, handing out condoms and lube, delivering a speech as part of the World AIDS Day or writing profanities in glitter onto shiny festive baubles.

Time passed as it does and one chance encounter led to a discussion with a local publican about putting on a queer cabaret night here in the heart of rural Somerset. The Ministry of Martha was born.

In the meantime I began to share some faerie processes and ideas among my fellow Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence. They took well to hissing in circles, they wanted to hear of the magic of queer empowerment, asked about spirituality within the context of sexuality.

All this culminated this week in pulling together an astonishing event here, where Faeries, Sisters and locals mixed, laughed and played together and raised funds for each other including a new LGBTQ youth group in Glastonbury.

Our 5 Sisters were graciously welcomed to the gathering space just outside town and after a brief sleep we walked together to join the Imbolc celebrations at the White Spring and Chalice Well. Sisters and Faeries also ate together and talked a lot, found common ground and opened their hearts in circle.

It has felt like reuniting lost relative tribes this week. Sisters honour their origins that lie with Faeries and the fact that one of their founders, Sister Soami (aka Sister Missionary Position) is still living in Sanctuary space on Short Mountain.

We have much to teach each other and I am blessed to have seen the best in both organisations this week. Oddly enough I have felt more valued and able to contribute at a Faerie Gathering as a Sister than if I had stuck it out and been a Gathering Organiser.

There are challenges here still for me, whether those reveal themselves through discussions around conflict or flickers of jealousy at some of the beauty all around me. New faeries to meet, reminders of happy loving times with past lovers here, the heartache of missing those who have passed through the veil. Familiar rivalries, old behaviour patterns, recalling schisms past and feeling their repercussions still.

Also being on the farm only part of the time, just enough to host an auction and a midnight heart circle or help facilitate a workshop on being a Sister, has been disconcerting. But I think I have become a better Faerie by being a better Nun. Perhaps those in combination might help me be a better realisation of myself. Hell, at least I know by now where spare blankets and towels can be found.

Everything is different now and some of it is even making sense. Blessed Imbolc everyone. You are loved.

Cunty (Princess Cuntmuscle)/Novice Carmen Myanus

Embracing subject:SUBJECT consciousness – Shokti

Radical Faeries gather around the world, creating zones of heart based communication, where we can retune our bodies, minds and spirits to the rhythms of nature, where we support, nourish and love each other, and find healing, purpose and inspiration. We are groups of Queers discovering the spiritual power hidden in sexuality, and learning to live in a new paradigm of co-operation, creativity, expansive love, consensus and Oneness.

Embracing subject:SUBJECT consciousness we overcome the hurdles within ourselves that prevent us meeting each other with love. We practice active listening in our heart circles, listening without judgement or reaction, growing in compassion and presence as we do so. This heart presence then inspires all our other activities, from cooking and washing up, to transformational workshops and ceremonies, to dancing and lovemaking. We honour the holiness of sexuality in our Love Temples and the healing touch of nature’s spirits, ancestor souls and queer deities, gradually shifting our understanding of life from the divide-and-conquer, materialist paradigm towards the full embrace of the divine dance of consciousness, co-created, expressed and shared through love, light and laughter.

Joy is the gift of spirit that we receive and develop in ourselves and that we bring to the wider world. Joy is a powerful vibration similar to love, but a more constant one – unlike love it has no shadow side. Joy is simply joy, coming from the soul and enjoyed in the body, heart and mind, it is the vibration of who we are as living spirit, fearless and adventurous, expressive and accepting, knowing and trusting, vulnerable yet strong, loving and praying. It’s what arises in us once we get the falsehoods of the ego, the fears and judgements etc of the mind, out of the way, and let who we really are shine through.

The faerie drums call out to all who are ready to hear and feel – the times are changing and queers have an important role to play in this change. For centuries our queer light and power has been denied and repressed, but in a few decades our presence in the world has undergone an incredible, mind-blowing shift. Our journey to sexual, social and political liberation has advanced in some parts of the world, and our next journey – of spiritual discovery (or re-discovery of who we have always been) and mystical emergence, which has been getting underway for some decades already in faerie groves and tantric playgrounds (mostly hidden from or ignored by mainstream gay life) is reaching a new level. What we go through, in this rapid journey from darkness to light, is forming a template for humanity as whole. Because of our long standing exclusion from the rituals of the rest of society, the hunger in some of us for tribe, for liberation, is very strong, and is fuelling our growth. We are fulfilling our archetypal role as scouts of consciousness, and if we can consolidate, strengthen and develop our tribe of hearts we will be a beacon for the rest of the lgbtiq+ cosmos and the whole world.

Rad Fae communities are one of the key places that we Queers are exploring new ways of relating and communicating. We are circles of people exploring what it can be to live in the presence of love, with trust, respect and in safety, in the sacred connection of souls having a multi-dimensional experience. We are emerging as a global force, a tribe of hearts.

People come to faeries from all kinds of backgrounds and spiritual/religious experience. We are a melting pot of ideas, vibrations and potential. Whether we have spiritual beliefs/practices or not, in faerie community we can get a direct experience of love-in-action, of heightened frequencies, of deep intimacy (with each other and all creation (on a good day)), of life as a cosmic dance. In mystical language, it could be said we open the gates to the goddess – to the shakti presence in us and all creation – which the queer interplay of gender energies within us enable us to attune to and be aware of. This shakti presence uplifts, transforms and changes the game of life. Queers work and play with this magic all the time, in faerie space we get to turn the volume UP.

This is why it works – in the realm of the Goddess there is no search for enlightenment, only the experience that it is already here, connecting us, feeding us, enabling us, blessing us, encouraging us. When we are feeling free, bright and joyful we do not seek anything, we are experiencing ourselves in our natural state. The search for answers, the need to address our issues, the fear of the future, disappear and we live as love. Once open, this shakti gate just keeps on giving, and when our issues and fears resurface we will find new ways to address them. Faerie gatherings are held within sacred circles, where the unconditional love of the divine channelled through the elements that give us life meets our aspirational heart energies to reveal the way to healing, magic and splendour.

At some point we might find the abundance of emotion and experience overflows and overwhelms us. Then we may feel inclined to run away from faeries, and perhaps need to for a while – but where else in the world will we find such a pioneering, queer, eccentric and ecstatic tribe of playful, sexy, warrior souls? Faerie space is not perfect – it’s not designed to be a utopia escaping reality – it’s a transformational playground pointing the way to better quality of life experience, the like of which has never existed on planet earth before. The ride will not always be smooth, but there is no ride quite like it. For queers seeking deeper connection, both internally and externally, greater intimacy and meaning in life, Faerie space is providing a glimpse into what might be possible.

We don’t have to ‘become’ a faerie – to take on another label in any fierce or dogmatic fashion. In fact to do so would be so un-faerie. Faerie gives us the chance to embrace ultimate flexibility/fluidity, shapeshifters that we are – here is a space where queers who are called to explore the magical, mystical power within the human soul can gather with others and have the necessary, frequently ecstatic, fun to release it. Call it what we like, here we are scouts of consciousness taking and tackling the ‘essentialist’ route towards fulfilment of our queerness (ie exploring what makes us unique in the human panoply), as opposed to the ‘assimilationist’ path of the mainstream gay culture. We get to discover that we are witches, shamans, fools, that we are healers, artists and agents of transformation. For queers who already feel this or know this in themselves, and for all queers who have this in them, faerie space is a true homecoming – but not the end of the journey, it is a beginning.

***

Some humans are born with a sense of the numinous, the worlds beyond the physical, already built into their awareness, but many of us experience some kind of ‘revelation’ moment when the bigger picture of the creation opens up for us. This is often called an Awakening, and can come to us through all sorts of situations, both pleasant and unpleasant. It might be that we are ‘programmed’ to wake up to more levels of existence as we get older and ready to deal with what they bring to us. As the mainstream culture of our times does not recognise this process it is very common for the symptoms of awakening to be misunderstood and medicated away. It is possible that a lot of mental illness is due to this fundamental denial in the culture of our evolving, emerging, soul natures. Life conspires to bring us direct experiences of that nature, then leaving it in our hands as to when and how we adapt our lives to harmonise with it. If we are resistant we are to doing that, life will continue to try to push us into it, quite possibly through crises, illnesses etc.

Once we have seen the light, we need to find our own way to walk in it. Every part of us that is in darkness, in shadow, will be illuminated. The path of light, of conscious growth, means facing, embracing and healing the shadow in ourselves, and ultimately in all things.  It helps to remember we are on a path of healing – and not fall back into believing in pathological labels given to us by the materialist paradigm when things get tough.  Taking the time to focus and mark the seasonal shifts (equinoxes, solstices etc) and moon cycles can keep us on track, keep the deeper purpose high in our minds.  This can have very powerful effects, hastening our healing and evolution, especially when shared with others.

The religious paths of the Father, with their written treatises, rules and disciplines of yoga, meditation etc – and their promises of enlightenment and salvation (usually considered out of reach, at least in this lifetime) can provide us with vital tools to ground and centre ourselves in the changeable and challenging moments in community and in life in general.

The paths of the Mother Goddess are found in the cycles and rhythms and beings of nature, of the sun and moon, the planets and stars.  They stem from the fact that all this Creation around us is ONE DANCE constantly in a state of communion and communication. The power of the heavenly bodies and nature’s cycles is often revealed to us through direct experience of faerie ritual and community living. Through observing, honouring and studying the seasonal shifts, the moon cycles etc we discover that the shakti presence and wisdom is always there on offer to us, to help us open our minds and heal our souls. The ‘brainwashing’ we received from the rationalist, materialist school of thought that likely dominated our education makes many of us resistant to embrace the intuitive arts of astrology, tarot, kabbalah, shamanism etc, but these arts, that require the interplay of our left and right brains in order to be mastered, hold the keys to our souls. Whether we are actively ‘spiritual’ in a conventional sense or not, they can reveal the dance of spirit in matter, remind us that we are in fact That, release us from the cage of separation and existential angst that science may have dropped us in, however well meaning it’s efforts, and reveal to us just how magical, marvellous and divine our existence, both individually and collectively as a tribe of hearts, truly is.

Once awake we have to HEAL

in order to HEAL we have to FEEL

open our HEARTS and walk with COURAGE

distinguish between what is FALSE and what REAL

The Cosmos is calling us HOME

to CONSCIOUS LOVE-IN-ACTION

to the true nature of the HUMAN SOUL

AND TO THE QUEERS TO REMEMBER OUR ROLE

Faerie-breakups. A call to sisterhood.

Gather round darlings, Aunt Octopus wants a word.

 

My experience of being introduced to the faeries was through an ex-lover, now Sister/Brother. You might know them; their affection is expressed through playful gestures of invisible flea picking, nipple play and the deep bass and tone of contentment and connectedness; emulating the playful and healing libido of a small, cuddly and radical tribe of the forest – Bonobo.

 

It was a brave manoeuvre to invite me into the space that they had found such home in. I have many tentacles and take up space. It changed my life in only ways that the faeries can and in that spirit, I went on to subsequently nag my then current long term partner to attend – they became Wood Pigeon. Through that experience Wood Pigeon came to exude so much grace and confidence in their queerness that it was clear we were all on to something special. Some years later our lair / nest would grow a little more to accommodate another member – who would also find tribe through us. They became Magpie; a cheeky, playful and curious treasure-seeker. Their journey has been similarly expansive and transformative. They too found a home.

 

These days my lair is my own. The Wood Pigeon has flown and flies in many directions, building temporary nests along the way so as to not make heavy their global adventure of the heart. The Magpie too found a home near water, in an exotic and mischievous floating menagerie of love and constant playtime. They are happy and I’m happy for them. I keep less mirrors on the walls these days. My tentacles bask simultaneously in the light at the mouth of my cave, with some curled and drenched in the shadow. Sometimes I project out to the Jellyfish, undulating upwards all glitter, ruffles and appendages. But for now my heart is safe at home in myself. It’ll be a while until it ventures out again.

 

But enough of the poetry – real struggle, real words. The past year has been a challenge in both personal life and community – which are increasingly inseparable, and so be it. This last chapter has been a true test of my polyamory, my integrity, family and community. Over the last six months of being in various queer and faerie spaces, from the glorious temple of queer rites, to the fields of queer spirit, the racket of global gathering and the heart of Canaan Tribe, I’ve shared and resonated with many gorgeous and courageous creatures who share similar experiences. Some still caught up in the process; still shining but with characteristic wide eyes and hard jaws. Holding on.

 

To clarify, this piece is informed by my own process but also from inspiration. When I say ‘our’, I don’t mean to misrepresent anyone else’s voice or experience. I say it in hopeful solidarity. In essence, I’m trying to trace a common experience of breakups in community to understand potential collaborative solutions and more effective healing structures and spaces.

 

Faerie tribe is a torrent of play and connection of varying intensities – of everything from fleeting gazes and smiles over shared cigarettes, to deep heart connection and intimacy over lengthier periods of time. Sometimes we meet our lovers and partners in situ, sometimes we open the door to tribe for them, sometimes we are the ones invited into tribe through a relationship. It seems to me that the true radicalism of the faeries is how we practice our love and how we navigate our relationships in and out of community. It is not always easy; it is always beautiful but sometimes messy.

 

Nevertheless, as Tribe we hold space for ourselves and each other – for our individual and collective fire; our intensity, passions, anger, shame, fears, jealousies, attachments, perceived flaws and inadequacies. Objectively, we seem to find our way and do a pretty good job. In fact, we rock. But in our mish-mash of connections and intense faerie affairs there can be casualties too – inevitably, for whatever reason, faeries may need to breathe space into a connection with a significant other(s). Draw it to a close. Recalibrate and re-configure as a means of self-preservation, healing and renewal. Hearts break and there are heart aches. The question is, when love implodes, transitions and transforms in community, how does community hold us? Or does it hold us at all?

 

I think it’s fair to say that after a parting of faerie-ways a whole mess of feelings follows suit. My experience and those processes I have witnessed seem to speak to how post break up, community can seem a precarious place. A sense of tribe can quickly devolve into a conspiracy of discrete fractions and alliances where we may find ourselves having to survey upcoming gatherings and events to see where and what is safe for us. Particular faeries close to an ex-partner may become ripe for projection, our ‘storyboards’. In this sense, without support, it’s easy to see how one can quickly become a co-conspirator in their own fear and isolation.

 

Shame may be experienced through the exposure of a breakup in community – externalising self-judgement and blame for a connection gone awry onto the faces of tribe. Self-esteem, already at a low ebb through the often injurious ride of decoupling, remains depleted as we struggle to find footing in our usual store of magick and power – tribe-as-home. Drum circles become clashing symbols of memories and triggers echoing what has been lost. There may be a struggle to find the dance, rhythm and beat that was uniquely ours before our merger. And as the tribe shifts, fluctuates and grows, as it tends to do, the distance needed for healing can feed into a sense of being left behind – of not knowing where the point of re-connection or re-entry is.

 

How do we find our place again? Our community, being the glorious vanguard of sex-positivity, free-love and polyamory that it is, means that there’s always the potential for some sloppy faerie encounter lurking around the corner, involving your ex-partner and multiple other creatures, to twist into your belly what is lost and where you aren’t. To find solace beyond the smog of faerie breakup, we may even seek Tribe on the other side of the world; to cry in unfamiliar circles and be comforted by an impartial gaze. In worst case scenarios, these experiences can be unbearable and the escape can be very final, meaning complete detachment from community. This isn’t a sensational point, it happens. And for others, the inhibiting consequences of all of this, or perhaps of anticipating the mess that can come through relationship in community, is to rule out deeper intimacy with other faeries – to connect deeply on all other levels but the kind of sacred intimacy and sexuality that risks a bruised heart. But which forms also a vital part of our ritual and celebration together – of our love.

 

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve heard other stories too. Positive stories. And beyond the challenge, I’m involved here and now in the co-creation of one myself. Many of us live to tell the tale of how beautiful tribe can be post-heartbreak, when a true sense of family arises from the ashes of what was before. Indeed, one morning in a queery field in Wiltshire, a dear former lover bound out of their sleeping space to unexpectedly fall onto two sleeping faeries who had arrived late in the night and took up residence in the porch of their tent. Both of us had shared deep connection with them in the past to go onto forge a chemistry and friendship of our own. In that moment, the love among the three of us was tangible. Later that day, that faerie would counsel me in the rawness of a current breakup to say: the struggle is real but worth it – in what other world do we have the chance to queer our relationships through pure alchemy into the most unexpected but steadfast and persistent arrangements of love and harmony. Real people. Real tribe.

 

But this story is also a shout out and an invitation. An invitation to consider as a community how we can support this fragile re-birth in a way that flows more gently and that holds people lovingly through the transition. What does real sisterhood around breakups look like in faerie community? How do we create alliances around both parties struggling with heartbreak and separation that are transparent, non-exclusive, reciprocative, communicative and well resourced? Which of us feels able to steward from the heart, to be visible, present and accessible as counsel to those faeries struggling with the fallout of heartbreak in community? What do these systems of support look like, where do they exist and how do they function? If heartache in community is part and parcel of the process – if it is something to learn from, grow from and in the end, to benefit from – how do we gather round to make that medicine easier to swallow? How do we integrate the inevitable ebb and flow of connection in faerie space in a way that allows those intimately involved in a shifting connection, and the whole community witness to it, to mine the gold beyond the pain?

 

This is call for solidarity, sharing and ideas. Let’s workshop, explore and create.

 

Thanks for all of those in Tribe for inspiring this piece through their heartache, vulnerability and sharing.

 

Love you.

 

Octopus X

Albion faerie authors


The creativity of the AlbionFae is flowing into print and electronic books…

Check us out!

 

QUEER DEITY, SACRED SLUT by Al Head

QUEER DEITY, SACRED SLUT’ invokes ancient and modern archetypal figures along with a revel of QUEER DEITIES. It explores themes of paganism, gender, sexuality, identity, healing and the ways we connect with each other and the earth.

Its magical, embodied and radical prose is woven with poems and songs to form a rich tapestry imbued with the author’s unique perspective.    http://www.alhead.co.uk/2.html

ebook available from: http://www.lulu.com/shop/http://www.lulu.com/shop/al-head/queer-deity-sacred-slut-thoughts-in-process/ebook/product-23422958.html


ESSENCE: THE BEGINNER’S GUIDE TO VEGANISM by Edward Daniel

Packed with mouth-watering recipes, emotive poetry and themes on letting go of the past, this book is a highly personal, very readable result of a lifetime commitment to bring about change and understanding to the new paradigm we find ourselves in. This paradigm involves making spiritual choices from the heart.

This book offers a heart-centric way of living and invites the reader to be open to new ideas and ways of being. It is an exquisitely illustrated, evocative beginner’s guide to veganism and a passionate argument on why to go vegan. Edward breaks down barriers that lead to a new spiritual well being achieved through a wholesome, plant-based diet.  http://www.ethivegan.com/ethivegan-book-essence-the-beginners-guide-veganism/


I AM GOD: Seven Magickal Steps to Personal Divinity by Lilith

To be truly divine we must learn to be wild again – to un-domesticate ourselves. We need to let go of the fear, the self-hatred, and the ‘good’ behaviour that we’re driven to by the doctrine of monotheism.

This book takes you on a journey from your inner world to the outer cosmos, it offers a simple yet potent training for personal discovery and enlightenment.

Using story, magick, ritual, sacred-sex, meditation, journey, and the ecstatic state, it gives you the tools that will inspire your spiritual experience and awaken you to your deep inner wisdom.

http://www.lulu.com/gb/en/shop/lilith/i-am-god-seven-magickal-steps-to-personal-divinity/paperback/product-20981367.html

ebook at https://www.amazon.co.uk/Am-God-Magickal-Personal-Divinity-ebook/dp/B013CGVBOC


THE MICE by Roger Mason

Starbuck’s critically acclaimed series of graphic novels:

‘This is smart science fiction’ SFX magazine
‘Multi-layered and thoughtful; a great read…’ Forbidden Planet
9/10 Comics International
‘There’s nothing else like it – 4/5 stars’ Sci Fi Now magazine

http://looksgoodonpaper.co.uk/comic-artist-roger-mason/mice-graphic-novel-by-roger-mason/


THE QUEER DIARY OF MORDRED VIENNA by Russell Christie

Christian, Daniel and Alan are drawn to San Francisco on the cusp of the digital age. They find work as erotic performers in the emporia of the city. Through outcaste and avant-garde connections at The Ashbury Theater, they meet the artist Mordred Vienna. Like them, she arrived from somewhere else. Now, she uses her body as her canvas and the focus of her installations. Together they make new performances as they move from the twilight world of the homosexual into the computer systems of Silicon Valley and on to Hollywood and mainstream success.

The Queer Diary of Mordred Vienna is a work of queer fiction. It uncovers a journey from obscurity to recognition, from exile to inclusion and mutual acknowledgement. Moving from the country to the city and from the margins to the center, the book plots an alternative history of LGBTQ liberation. Like life, it has erotic content.

Copies on sale at Gays the Word bookshop and from http://www.amazon.co.uk/Queer-Diary-Mordred-Vienna/dp/1508760977

ebook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00UAQ056I


AIDS SHAMAN: Queer Spirit Awakening by Shokti Lovestar

Take a journey with Shokti, AIDS survivor who awoke to the spiritual realms while sick in the 1990s. Poetry and prose to make you think about the role gay/queer people play in the human story, plus inspiration from queer ancestors, prophets and teachers.

Ebook and paperback available from http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/shokti

Global gathering 2017

August 8-17th, 2017 – Saw the second Global Radical Faerie Gathering which took place at Featherstone Castle.

 120 faeries from more than 20 countries gathered to build and strengthen our global network. Albion, Euro, American and Canaan tribes were all well represented, and were joined by faerie pioneers from around the world, including delegates from China, Nigeria, Russia, Benin, Cameroon and Singapore.

In August 2017, thirty-eight years after its founding [of Rad Fae community], a sold-out, international Radical Faerie gathering was held in Great Britain with the stated goal of creating a global Radical Faerie community. Its aim is to have “queer people step up and claim our freedom and security and human rights, our meaningful and valuable place in society,” echoing the Gay Essentialist intent that originally motivated Hay and Kilhefner to call the Radical Faeries into being.   Don Kilhefner  https://www.laprogressive.com/gay-identity/

Here are words from some of those that attended:

Thanks to the Albion Faeries for hosting the Global Gathering and welcoming us into your world and culture. It was magical to make connections with people from around the world and hear their stories and political and cultural challenges and difficulties. It is an honour to be part of this ongoing multicultural dialogue. Bobby

As the sun sets on the first day back in muggle non faerie space, I think of the first thing said to me upon arrival at Featherstone, “Welcome home”. It took me aback a little, but within several hours I understood why we’d called it such. I have never felt so apart of a family, a tribe, a community as I have this week so thank you all for being apart of this experience. This is the start of a beautiful journey that I look forward to sharing with each and everyone of you.   Red

Really missing my time in the castle with all you beautiful faeries. Words can’t really describe how beautiful it was too be welcomed and witnessed with such lovingly open arms (and other body parts). Spirit gifted me a song at the gathering. A song that she’s only shared with me once before. A gift that resonates with me right now as powerful as the gift of getting to witness all you lovely beings. Thank you, yes you, for welcoming me into the sacred space that is the gathering we created and the cauldron we continue to stir our love and support in to.   Dirty D Extraordinaire

Exceptional and unique. Every individual, every shared moment, every bonded cluster… so many profound experiences shared at the Castle. Deep affection, pure love. I know no one who’s heart was not touched by the pink pulsing energy of all of us beautiful souls together. Waving the Faerie flag, knickers, dresses in the air.    Blue

Thank you all for your magic and presence. As I placed the final stones in this ‘circle’, I thought of us all, different shapes and sizes and colours, not made to fit any one way, but coming together harmoniously to make a thing of beauty. Sorry to the farmer that asked me to put them all back; it was too rainy on the last day to do so… Much love for all the comfort, challenges, support, and familiarity with you all. Many thanks to John for sharing his giant home with us, and to the land for holding us in it’s beautiful way.

‘Faerie Castle’
Castle strong,
You hold us tight!
Castle wise,
You know our might!
Castle old,
You’ve seen us grow!
Castle stay,
We’ve far to go!
Every moment in you
Is a moment of Truth!
Every movement in you
Is a dance of youth!
Every secret we’ve shared
Is a promise we’ve made!
Every touch, kiss and cuddle,
An emotional parade!
We’re bonded in story!
We’re bonded in song!
Sing out, sing proud,
Sing loud, hard, and long!
The castle is in us;
The castle is our hearts!
We build it together;
We make up its parts!
We hold one another
By our warm fire light!
We walk our own halls,
By day and by night!
We share what is in us;
We are sheltered in our love!
We keep coming together,
And see our castle
Rising
Above!                ~Earthflame

What a brilliant and amazing Gathering. Back in my own home again, tired and immensely happy, and proud of everyone at Global for what we created and achieved there and what will come of it in the years and decades ahead.

Thank you for receiving what I gave
Thank you for giving what I received
Thank you for the hugs and the compliments
Thank you for the laughter, the dancing and the drumming
Thank you for noticing when I was sad
Thank you for comforting me in my sadness
Thank you for the community and connection
Thank you for your love
Thank you for being who you are    Taz Spirit Warrior

When I first came out in the late 60s, I had no word for what I was. After Stonewall, many of us homosexuals flocked to the great urban settings and found anonymity and freedom to be more open as to who we were. I found my first tribe there and it was a time to explore, to come out, to figure out what it meant to be gay in the neighbourhoods we lived in, the workplace, the street, the underground, the world. I can still remember the unfamiliar heady feeling of freedom from just being gay. The community hadn’t evolved enuf yet to begin identifying into further distinctions (other than what what I would call the Top 5: Western, Leather, Military, Preppy, Drag.) For me, it was the onset of the AIDS epidemic that began to help me discern that we were a . . . “people” . . . and that we were about something. We know now that some of the support models for People with AIDS that were created in the early 80s have become the norm, as well as how medications are accessed, etc. At some point I began to consider and appreciate the power of what it means to be an ‘outsider’ in the larger mainstream world which increasingly included other homosexuals. My sense is that the outsiders/outlaws/edgewalkers need to be able to see each other and bind together (ala the castle) and, if the larger mainstream has enough insight, they should finds ways to appreciate and support (or at least live and let live) the outsider/other as well. The truth is that there are no insiders without the outsiders; their survival is directly linked to ours.   Ed Wolf

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Drawn as a response to the Global Gathering, this began as a visual representation of our spiral dance at the closing circle. Our collective creation, initiated by W’Fang, was a beautiful highlight of my magical faerie experience.  Moss  {PICTURE}

Restored. Connected. Overflowing… Such a fat and gorgeous week with you all and such an important personal milestone and mirror for me in community. Global tribe alive. See you all in a discrete corner of the world somewhere soon.    Octopus

I’ve been reflecting on why I feel so exhausted AND ecstatic after our gathering. Late last night I realised, the gathering was and is a personal and collective re-birth. A calling forth of ecstasy in a manner traditionally reserved for mystics who experienced the divine as lover. And so it is, when we meet one another from soul-love, we meet the divine. What a gift, and what a challenge when we can’t meet others in this way! I think this challenge is exhausting me – and I don’t think I’m alone in this experience….

“Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away”
For what is here now, but the pieces of a shattered vessel
Too burdened to carry further, released, fragrant again
Eager with spring’s sharp waters
Abounding with winter’s fertile song
Let us a sing a new song, and be glad   Qweaver, 28aug17

Positivity and energy abound. I truly, really have a Faemily who help me understand, be and flourish. I see in my mind”s eye and hear again the conversations, experiment, intimacy, challenge at The Global Gathering. Revelation, envy, laughter, fun. Powering through discomfort, a new confidence is developing in me. When there are cloudy days in the future, I will think about the GG, odd days when there were heavy clouds in the sky but know that the sun is hidden behind them and it will make an appearance when it is and I am ready.   Blue

Hi, some have asked for the words to the song we sang at closing…
“With each change we make
let it begin
With each step we take
let it begin
With each chain we break
let it begin
Every time we awake
let it begin”
Thanks to WFang for the memory, song and leading.  Kwai

My usual way of processing after a gathering includes making a play-list of tunes that resonate personally during and since.
I have made this one collaborative so that others with easy access to Spotify can add in too.
There are stories behind my choices, but I name no names !
https://open.spotify.com/user/miqhey/playlist/0saGn3BVJ8TdsVVndKnaTj   Miqxture

…had coffee with friends this morning and they asked me what did i enjoy most?
Impossible question… the answer took ten minutes and included morning coffee, sunshine in the car park, organised chaos and spontaneous choral works in the kitchen, the warm cosy chat friendly fires and the walks in the country with only the sheep and cows bearing witness to the explosions of colour and fashion, drums, laughter and late nights.
i talked about washing up pots and pans for 100 people, while singing and laughing like a small furry animal from snow white… flitting around the kitchen performing magic and feeding the faeries.
i talked about the workshops and the conversations, the leaning and the teaching and i talked about the strangers – who were just friends we hadn’t met yet.        Pink Dalek

Thank you to everyone for an amazing gathering. It renewed my faith in the radical faeries and in myself.   Astro

I ride the waves
Floating towards my home shore
Waves of calm
Waves roughly shaking me
Waves of love
Waves of tears
Waves of song
Waves of laughter
Waves of memories
Waves from the distance
Like Omar Sharif appearing in the desert mirage
You wave to me and I long for you
I ride the waves
Knowing you are always around
Riding your own waves
But always there for me
I’ll soon reach the soft sands of home
And sleep upon the sunny shore
The waves softly caressing the beach
Comforting me as I settle   Moss

It was my first time in a Castle! I felt so much welcomed these ten days … I made a new family I got so much love without any Greed or benefit just unconditional love ❤️ just got back in London seeing the concrete world through the coach window… Featherstone Castle and the tribe I feel like it was a dream.  Dark Angel

Thank you global faemily, and especially Albion faeries, for this healing empowering experience. We go forth with great visions into the future! Blessed be!   EZ

At the global faerie gathering it was delightful and refreshing to observe how the Euro, American and Israeli brothers happily refer to each other as She. I think the machismo of Anglo Saxon Britannia has affected Gay culture and produced a situation where many gay men have masked their femininity and so are perceived and perceive themselves as different to trans and non-binary folk. But living as a Radical Faerie I am living my whole Self, the She, He and also That.

By That I mean the divine spark of consciousness. The thing we all have in common. The awareness of I AM. In Faerie space we can explore who we are, female and male.. and also That something non-binary, mysterious and holy. That. My faerie mind describes That as the presence of Nature… a serene, wise yet wild, raw, vulnerable and utter powerful. From Nature we come to Nature we return. In Nature we heal and become Whole. Our whole holy Nature.

From all over the world we Faeries gathered at Featherstone.  Each tribe unique, each faerie unique, together we found our shared spirit in the meeting of passionate hearts, of lovers of life and liberation. Our nature affirmed, our global community strengthened, it happened at Featherstone.   Shokti

There is no beginning
There is no end
There is only the infinite passion of life. — Fellini

Autumn Prayer

We are the faerie spirit
that’s always lived within humanity
raw awareness in tune with nature’s dance
that sacrificed that divinity
that also lost its sanity
that became mortal, physical, solid
forgot how to shapeshift, astral travel
how to turn within to take flight
we became flesh, we learnt to die
we learnt about suffering, we learnt how to lie
but now humanity’s reached its tipping point
and amidst its madness a new age being born
remembering eternity, remembering you are me
remembering the elements, the mother, the spirit
surrendering to That and becoming This
Faerie Spirit born to flow free
born to liberate humanity
from polarities and dualities
Great Faerie Spirit-in-Action
flow through this tribe
liberate our minds from deathtraps
empower our hearts with courage
may we be who we, see who we, become who we are
may we reunite the earth and the heavenly stars
bring the power of rainbows into human eyes
as we reveal the faerie ‘neath the human disguise
we may appear at L as G, as B as T
but our queer spirit is part of eternity, is remembering infinity

Hanging with Harry Hay

Harry Hay (1912-2002) Here are some quotations and photos to assist communion with the spirit of Harry, gay activist and founder of the 1950s Mattachine Society and one of the three founding motherfathers of the Radical Faeries…. Harry was born in Worthing, UK, and lived his life in the USA.

harry8

Give yourself permission to enjoy being gay. You do have to give yourself permission. You have been told you may not. Give yourself permission to be free.

Throw off the ugly green frogskin of hetero-imitation to find the shining Faerie prince beneath

harry1

When we begin to love and respect Great Mother Nature’s gift to us of gayness, we’ll discover that the bondage of our childhood and adolescence in the trials and tribulations of neitherness was actually an apprenticeship for teaching her children new cutting edges of consciousness and social change. In stunning paradox, our neitherness is our talisman, our fairie wand, our gift we bring to the hetero world to….transform their pain into healings; …transform their tears to laughter: …transform their hand-me-downs to visions of loveliness.

harry-hay

harry_hayquote

harry13

Our beautiful lovely sexuality is the gateway to spirit. Under all organised religions of the past, Judaism, Christianity, Islam, there has been a separation of carnality, or shall we say of flesh or earth or sex, and spirituality. As far as I am concerned they are all the same thing, and what we need to do as faeries is to tie it all back together again.

harry4

The term ‘spiritual’ represents the accumulation of all experiential consciousness from the division of the first cells in the primeval slime, down through all evolution, to your latest insights of subject-subject consciousness just a minute ago. What else can we call this overwhelmingly magnificent inheritance—other than spiritual?

harry9

I was an older brother. So I had to do a lot of things first. My father was a self-made man, and he would beat me senseless. But he was a Scotsman, and stubborn. I’m his son, and I’m stubborn, too. I go on being stubborn.

harry10

We know how to live through their eyes. We can always play their games, but are we denying ourselves by doing this? If you’re going to carry the skin of conformity over you, you are going to suppress the beautiful prince or princess within you.

harry12

Confronted with the loving-sharing Consensus of subject-SUBJECT relationships all Authoritarianism must vanish. The Fairy Family Circle, co-joined in the shared vision of non-possessive love – which is the granting to any other and all others that total space wherein each may grow and soar to his own freely-selected, full potential – reaching out to one another subject-to-SUBJECT, becomes for the first time in history the true working model of a Sharing Consensus!

Subject–SUBJECT consciousness, a concept proposed by Harry Hay, believed by Hay to be gay people’s unique perspective on the world. Hay saw heterosexual society existing in a subject–object dynamic; where men, who had the culturally acceptable power, saw only themselves as subject and therefore higher than women, who were treated as objects and property. Hay extrapolated this interpersonal-sexual dynamic (male-power:female-subordinate) into a broader social context, believing that the subject-object relationship was the driving force behind most all of societies ills. Objectificiation served as a barrier, emotionally separating an individual (subject) from another individual by dehumanizing them, making them object.

When Hay looked at same-sex relationships, however, he saw a different dynamic at work. He believed that homosexual relationships were based on mutual respect and empathy for the other: a longing for a companion who was as equally valuable as the self. Hay termed this interpersonal—sexual dynamic “subject—SUBJECT” (which Hay capitalized for emphasis in all of his writings). He believed that this subject–SUBJECT way of viewing the world was gay people’s most valuable contribution to the greater society. By empathizing with all people, relating to each other as equal-to-equal, society would change drastically and social injustices would be eradicated.    Wikipedia

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